Beautiful Marriages in Exile
1 peter 3:1-7
“Marriage is the best training ground to let us explore the terrain of heaven and hell… Marriage gives us a taste of the goodness of God, the wonder of intimacy, and the startling naked holiness of what it means to be forgiven and found to be delightful. The goodness of marriage is almost more than we can comprehend. On the other hand, the bitter emptiness, the incomprehensible, confusing, alienating distance that comes with the hurt and failure that comes in marriage, is almost more than a human being can bear… marriage can be a taste of heaven or a taste of hell.”
~ Dan Allender
Main Idea: In the crucible of marriage, husbands and wives should hope in God and honor one another.
I. The Fearless Wife (3:1-6)
Peter continues his exhortation of how to “keep your conduct honorable” (2:12) by addressing wives. Peter’s acknowledgement and exhortation of both bondservants and wives would have been dignifying and uplifting in the 1st c. Roman Empire. He gives three broad exhortations:
A. Beautiful Submission (3:1-2)
Peter takes a general principle for all Christians (free submission) and applies it specifically to wives. This “shape” of the marriage relationship is consistently affirmed as God’s good design and not rooted in tradition or culture (cf. Gen. 2:18; Eph. 5:22-25; Col. 3:18; Rev. 19:7).
Because this gospel principle and posture has been abused, we need to note what submission is not:
It does not mean inferiority (cf. 3:7; Phil. 2:3-7)
It does not mean putting the will of your husband above the will of Christ (cf. 2:13; Eph. 5:22)
It does not mean there is no Biblical recourse in abusive or adulterous marriages
It does not mean agreeing with everything your husband says or does
Peter says this principle applies even in the very difficult circumstance where a believing wife has an unbelieving husband. “A wife should not acquire her own friends, but should make her husband’s friends her own. The gods are the first and most significant friends. For this reason, it is proper for a wife to recognize only those gods whom her husband worships and to shut the door to superstitious cults and strange superstitions” ~ Plutarch (1st Century Greek Philosopher)
B. Internal Adorning (3:3-4)
Rather than a legalistic ban on any external beauty or adorning, Peter here warns of an inordinate preoccupation or setting hope in these things; wives should treasure and pursue the “imperishable” (cf. 1:4) inward beauty of a “gentle and quiet spirit” (cf. Mt. 11:29; Gal. 5:23).
Proverbs 31:25, 30: Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
C. Steadfast Hope (3:5-6)
Peter cites the example of Sarah from Genesis 18:12: So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?” Her statement was made “to herself,” revealing the posture of her heart toward her husband in what was a difficult marriage.
“The delicate relational pattern of head with helper, the head taking responsibility and providing initiative, the helper supporting, encouraging, comforting –is too beautiful to be regimented. There is no one-size-fits-all way to follow through. But a wife’s submissive heart toward her faithful husband is a pattern, a design, clearly taught in the New Testament. It is filled with potential for displaying the gospel before family, friends, neighbors, and colleagues, some of whom might never come into a church to hear the gospel.”
~ Ray Ortlund, Marriage and the Mystery of the Gospel
II. The Honorable Husband (3:7)
Peter gives two overarching exhortations to husbands:
1. Live with your wives in an understanding way (Lit. ‘according to knowledge’)
“The New Testament never tells a husband to subjugate his wife. An imperious (domineering, arrogant) husband knows nothing of the mind of Christ. Instead, the New Testament calls a Christian husband to enter into his wife’s hardships with sympathetic understanding, because she is his equal, a helper fit for him, and a fellow heir of the grace of life (1 Pet. 3:7).” ~ Ray Ortlund, Marriage and the Mystery of the Gospel
2. Show honor to your wives
‘As the weaker vessel’ (cf. 1 Thess. 4:4) speaks to the general physical realities of manhood vs. womanhood, or the social status of a wife in the 1st century. Husbands are to protect and honor this vulnerability rather than exploiting and abusing this reality.
Though they may be ‘weaker’ in this sense, they are certainly not lesser. Peter says they are to show honor to their wives “since they are heirs with you of the grace of life.” (cf. Gal. 3:28). The consequences for either the domineering or the passive husband are severe: “that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Because the mystery of marriage is a signpost to the gospel of Jesus Christ (Eph. 5:32), as husbands and wives hope in God and honor one another, they will declare and display the good news of Jesus Christ to one another and to the watching world.
“Christians are invited to ‘cut out’ small niches of hope, reconciliation, forgiveness, beauty, and health in the world. Rather than using the language of business and project management… perhaps mission is rather like marking art. We are not to expect that a beautiful sculpture will change the world into a paradise, but it will give the world something to think and talk about by just being there. ... So, this may be our task: a mission of small things – things that will be redeemed when Jesus returns.”
~ Stephen Paas, Pilgrims and Priests
